The last 3 days have been difficult. Last week, I couldn't sleep properly for a couple of days. The last 3 days, I haven't been able to sleep at night as I have very disturbing thoughts which I can't define very well, but I sleep late into the day like I'm drugged or something.
I have a kind of fear - it's almost a physical feeling inside my chest. Fear. Why am I afraid? I don't know for sure. I think I'm imagining worst case scenarios at work based on my past experiences. This happened on a much larger scale last year when I was off the medicine completely and I think I had debilitating anxiety attacks which left me physically weak. Around such times, I start avoiding work and it becomes a spiral of bad work and rejection from authority figures and peers which has an explosive and very negative end.
I wish I didn't fear my shadow as I do now. Is this why I was put on the respidon? I haven't been to see the doctor since the medical insurance people refused to pay for my therapy. And frankly I don't trust doctors here in the UK much. They simply don't know what they're doing. Although I have a different insurance provider now, it has the added hassle of having to get away from work to see a doctor which causes it's own problems.
Let's see how this pans out. I have decided I won't risk reducing my dosage another step on 5 October. I'll wait till 5 November instead.
I have a kind of fear - it's almost a physical feeling inside my chest. Fear. Why am I afraid? I don't know for sure. I think I'm imagining worst case scenarios at work based on my past experiences. This happened on a much larger scale last year when I was off the medicine completely and I think I had debilitating anxiety attacks which left me physically weak. Around such times, I start avoiding work and it becomes a spiral of bad work and rejection from authority figures and peers which has an explosive and very negative end.
I wish I didn't fear my shadow as I do now. Is this why I was put on the respidon? I haven't been to see the doctor since the medical insurance people refused to pay for my therapy. And frankly I don't trust doctors here in the UK much. They simply don't know what they're doing. Although I have a different insurance provider now, it has the added hassle of having to get away from work to see a doctor which causes it's own problems.
Let's see how this pans out. I have decided I won't risk reducing my dosage another step on 5 October. I'll wait till 5 November instead.
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